only non-sequiturs.

The sun is shining and there hasn’t been any rain for days, so I expect it will rain tomorrow. We are going away on holiday tomorrow, but I really like apple pie. Lots of my friends love apple pie too, and my friend Greg has put on a lot of weight. Eating apple pie definitely makes you overweight.

I’m packing for our holiday and ask my husband: “do you think we need to take sunscreen?” He replies: “Purple is my favourite colour.”

The cat comes in and jumps into the suitcase, so I go to polish the windows. They haven’t been polished in a long time, and the strawberries in the garden are ripening.

“Why don’t you go check the car?” I ask my husband.

“Julius Ceasar was a great man,” he replies. “They shouldn’t have killed him.”

I look out through the newly-polished window at the quiet street below and Christmas is just around the corner. My sister-in-law, who we are going to visit, loves Christmas so she always has fresh orange juice for breakfast. I head downstairs to go to the kitchen, because I’m feeling cold and I need my sweater. I left my sweater in the bedroom so I drive to the store.

“Nice sunny day,” says George at the store.

“Did you hear that King George was crazy?” I reply.

“That woman over there drives a fancy car,” says George. “She must be rich.”

“My husband keeps a gun,” I say.

“Really?” says George. “Guns can kill. Your husband must be a killer.”

“Well, he killed a cockroach yesterday,” I say. “But the drains are blocked.”

“You need some Draino?” asks George. “I have some fresh-cut roses here.”

I buy the roses and drive home, because today is Thursday. Tomorrow we go on holiday, and it’s very sad when someone’s pet dies. I always laugh when it’s windy.

 


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